Where Are You Now?
by cocacolaa
Summary: CAM. It scares me to think why it hurt me so much she left. It scares me to think I felt something. It scares me to think she hadn’t felt it. Slightly AU. Only slightly.


**Slight AU as they are older and Carly & Sam aren't best friends.  
Summary:** CAM: It scares me to think why it hurt me so much she left. It scares me to think I felt something. It scares me to think she hadn't felt it.  
**Music to listen to: **Hospital - Lydia (this song gave me the idea)

* * *

I didn't like it here. I didn't like the shouting and the screaming, I didn't like the drunken teenagers swarming around me and the loud music making it hard for me to think and I really didn't like anyone here. They're my friends, all of them are... But that doesn't mean I like them. Or maybe it was more I didn't like seeing them all like this. Maybe.

The only person from my senior class I didn't see and therefore didn't dislike was Sam Puckett. Admittedly, I didn't talk to her much. There was something strange about her though. She didn't seem to have many friends in Ridgeway, but everyone wanted to be her friend, she was sarcastic and sometimes mean, but everyone loved that about her. There was something utterly compelling about her, something so attractive, but no one had yet to truly become a friend of hers.

It wasn't too long before I left the party. I was still in the general area of it though. I wanted to get away from it but I didn't want to leave it. Even when you _want_ to be alone you still feel loneliness.

I reached for my phone. I went through various things; pictures, music, games, just something, anything. Finally, I got to one folder displaying various contacts. It wasn't until I reached "S" that I knew what I wanted to do.

"Hello?" Her voice croakily asked on the other end.

"Hey," I said back, taking a deep breath.

"Carly?"

I waited for a few seconds to answer, "Yeah. Yeah it's me."

"Don't get me wrong, it's always nice talking to you, it really is, but why are you calling me?"

This time I waited a lot longer. I had to ask myself that same question before I could answer her.

"I don't know," I finally answered. "Where are you?"

She chuckled before answering me, "In a cafe. What about you?"

"Can I join you?"

There was a beat of silence.

"Sure."

**

* * *

**

When I got there I saw her sitting on one of the sofas, a thick plaid patterned jacket on and a thoughtful look on her face. She hadn't noticed me walking past the glass window, nor did she notice me as I walked in. By the time she noticed, I was already sitting in front of her.

"Oh, hello," She smiled up at me, revealing a crooked smile. She brought her coffee mug to her mouth and took a mouthful of it before placing the mug back down on the table, swallowing, and then looking back to me, bemused and a hint of mockery.

"So what made you ring me of all people?"

When I didn't answer, she smiled crookedly again before softening her expression. She scanned my face for a few seconds before laughing lightly and drinking more coffee.

I stayed looking at her, wondering why I had rang her. I knew why she was the only person to ring, everyone else was partying, but why did I ring her at all?

"Why are you at a cafe alone at 1 AM?"

She raised an eyebrow, "You're here too."

"Okay, then why are we here?"

She stared at me for a few seconds. "I don't know." She looked down at her coffee.

We didn't talk after that.

**

* * *

**

I always found the park to be a relaxing place. It was still relaxing despite the heavy rain that was pouring all over Seattle. What a surprise.

I had a giant waterproof on which was keeping me protected from rain but not from the cold. My hands were tucked deeply into my pockets and my lower face covered by the collar of my waterproof which was making my face a sticky warm, not the warm I had been hoping for.

It was when I sat myself down on a wet swing seat in the empty playground that I pulled my phone out from my pocket and went through my contacts again. I pulled my collar down from my mouth and brought the phone to the side of my face.

"Hello?"

"Hey."

"Wow, is this going to become a regular thing?" She chuckled on the other end.

"I don't know."

There was a familiar beat of silence again. "Are you okay?"

I glanced around the park and nodded, despite her not being able to see. "Yeah, I'm fine. Yourself?"

I could tell by the way she breathed she had given a small laugh at this. "Yes. I'm okay."

There was silence once again before she spoke.

"Is it my turn to ask where you are?"

I smiled slightly, the first time I had smiled in a while. "I'm in Banks Park. What about you?"

She laughed, "Nowhere special. Aren't you cold?"

"Yes. The swing chains are freezing."

"Huh." She didn't say anything for a while. "I'll be there in a minute."

**

* * *

**

I felt the swing I was sitting on pull back. I leaned back to see Sam looking down at me. She smiled and pushed the swing.

"So, is there are reason you call me?"

I shook my head.

"Is there at least a reason you're in the park in the pouring rain?"

"Have _you_ got a reason to be here?"

I stopped the swing and turned in my seat to look at her, waiting for an answer.

She laughed. "Yes. You." She took a hold of the chains again and pulling me back, continuing her routine of pushing me.

"I like it here. I find it relaxing."

I stopped feeling her hands pushing against my back. She took the seat beside mine and started to swing lightly.

"You can't have been very relaxed tonight."

I turned to her, "Why do you say that?"

She shrugged before tilting her head slightly and cupping over her mouth. Once she removed her hand, I saw the newly lit cigarette resting on her lips. She waved her hand about, putting out the match, and then dropping it to the floor. Her hand moved back to her mouth, taking the cigarette from her mouth, and letting out her first smoky breathe of the night.

I watched her for a while until she finally turned to me. I turned away quickly causing her to laugh. She put the cigarette back in her mouth, taking in a shaky and cold breathe before letting out the misty grey smoke. I followed it before tracing it back down to her slightly parted lips. They proceeded to curve into a smile.

"I'll see you around."

She got up from the swing and left.

**

* * *

**

"This is definitely a routine now isn't it?" She laughed.

"Am I annoying you? I'll stop if I am."

She laughed again, "No. It's okay."

"So where are you?"

She took in a deep breath and sighed, "Somewhere I wish I wasn't."

"And where is that?"

"Somewhere you're glad you're not," She laughed again. "It's freezing tonight. Where are you?"

I coughed, "My apartment."

"And where is that?" I heard her take inhale from her cigarette.

"Bushwell."

"Ah. Lucky you."

"Where do you live?"

She chuckled, "If I told you where I lived you'd know where I wished I wasn't right now."

I nodded, "Is that a bad thing?"

There was a beat of silence before she laughed. She didn't answer me though.

I nervously bit my bottom lip and shakily asked, "Do you want to come over?"

All I could hear was her breathing down the phone. Finally she sighed. "I'm sorry. Not tonight. I'll talk to you some other time."

The line went dead.

**

* * *

**

I walked up behind her before stopping short of where she sat.

"Hello."

She turned quickly and relaxed once she saw it was me. She smiled and then turned back to watching the snow fall.

"Who knew it could go from rain to snow so fast?" She asked.

I sat down beside her and shrugged. I took the silence as a time to exam her. She looked paler than I had ever seen her, her eyes were of near closing and her breath was shaky.

"Hey, are you okay?"

A shaky and harsh laugh left her lips before her teeth bit down on them and her fake expression turned to sadness. Her eyebrows furrowed as she began to shake her head.

"No. You?"

I bit the inside of my mouth and shook my head.

"No."

**

* * *

**

"Hello."

"You didn't ask hello as a question. This is a big step for us."

She didn't laugh.

"How are you?" I asked.

There was silence for a few seconds and then she finally talked, "Let me ask first. How are you?"

"I'm fine. What about you?"

"Good."

I didn't know if this was in answer to my question, or a response to my answer.

"Where are you?"

I looked around myself, "Nowhere in particular. You?"

She didn't answer.

"Where are you Sam?" I asked again, this time with a hint of worry visible.

"I'm on a bus."

"Why are you on a bus?"

She coughed. "I'm leaving."

I bit my lip to stop my anger and sadness leaking. "W-why would you do that?"

"What?"

"Why would you do that?" I shouted.

"Carly I-"

"Why? I thought- I can't- I don't get it."

She didn't say anything and it was clear she wasn't going to answer me.

Although neither of us put the phone down, the conversation was dead.

It didn't matter that we both stayed on the phone for another 20 minutes in dead silence because we could stay on the phone for 20 hours and neither of us would say anything. Or at least it felt like that.

"Carly."

I wiped away the tears from my eyes.

"What?"

"I'm sor-"

All I could hear was the beep indicating the loss of connection.

**

* * *

**

I hadn't spoken to Sam for 2 weeks. It's weird how much that means to me considering I hadn't spoken to Sam for 16 years just 3 weeks ago.

Why did it bother me so much she left? It wasn't like we had become best friends; it wasn't like we were much of friends at all. It scares me to think why it hurt me so much she left.

It scares me to think I felt something.

It scares me to think she hadn't felt it.

**

* * *

**

I was having a dream. The thing was, I _knew _I was having a dream. I could see Sam pushing herself back and forth with her feet on the swing and I could see that familiar grey mist leaving her lips, but I didn't go over to her and say what I wanted to say, cry and hug her, tell her I needed her. I watched her from a distance because I knew. I knew it wasn't happening.

"Carly, it's time to get up."

I opened my eyes and coughed.

"Coming."

**

* * *

**

I watched as the clock changed, reading 1 AM. I watched as my phone lay silently on my table. I let out a cry and watched as Spencer ran into the room.

"Please, just tell me what's wrong?"

**

* * *

**

I had never been up to the top of Bushwell before. I knew that if it weren't for the complete and utter anger and sadness I felt, this would seem beautiful. But right now, the artificial candle lit city was nothing.

I was interrupted by the vibrating phone that was beside me. A wave of nausea, fright, happiness and anger ran through me.

"Hello?"

"I thought we didn't say hello as a question anymore."

**

* * *

**

"Where are you now?"

"On the top of Bushwell." Beat. "Do I want to ask where you are?"

"I think so."

I licked my lips. "Where are you now?"

"Huh, well I can see buildings," she laughed, "I can see clouds too."

I didn't say anything.

"Hey look up at the sky."

"Why?"

"Don't you think that cloud looks like a rabbit?"

"I don't think we can see the same clouds."

"Worth a look, isn't it?"

My eyebrows furrowed as I looked up. There was just a mess of grey clouds.

"I can't see anything."

"Huh. Where are you?"

"I told you."

"I know. Just tell me again."

I angrily bit down on my lip. "What game are you playing with me?"

She laughed, "Where are you?"

"I am at the top of fucking Bushwell building!"

"Me too."

* * *

**Kinda long A/N:**

**Let me just say: I wrote this after reading too much of J. D. Salinger's stuff. I don't mean that I tried to write like him, I never could, but I mean the inspiration of it all. Not the idea though. Like I said, the idea came from the song Hospital by Lydia.**

**So another CAM! Yeah, yeah, I really want to continue my other story it's just... Well I don't like that sort of angst stuff anymore haha! Maybe one day.**

**I'm sorry for the many borders, it's just it's meant to be like little random moments conveying Carly's sadness and anger. I hope people got that haha. **

**I put in little key moments that I hope people got the grasp of. An example: When Carly wakes up from the dream and coughs. It's meant to be like Sam's smoke. Anyway! I hope people picked on that stuff :)**

**If you're wondering why it isn't blatant Cam, like it isn't crying it's a Cam story, it's basically because it felt wrong adding like a kiss, or obvious feelings. I hope that doesn't upset people... **

**OH AND: If you didn't pick it up, the two of them were meant to be depressed (not super depressed haha) from numerous things and found comfort in each other. They were meant to be like SOUL MATES (lovers? /insert wiggly eyebrows/)**

**Reviews are awesome :-)  
**


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